Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
