I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize