I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
