My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
