Did you just see the Batmobile???
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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