He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
