I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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