I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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