Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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