Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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