She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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