They should really pass out barf bags in church
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
