sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
