after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
