Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
