You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
