Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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