It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
