Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You are a genius and a whore.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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