After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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