I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
