I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
