so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
