The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize