yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
