Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
