the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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