maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's always time for handjobs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
