ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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