if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
