I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
