Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
