I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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