she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just high enough for therapy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
