I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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