Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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