whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
