Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
