i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
