Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
