it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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