My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
