I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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