No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
