1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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