dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
