I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
