Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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