Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
