I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize