somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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