you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize