sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
