why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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