At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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