I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
