Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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