we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
