Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I pour the whiskey from now on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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