Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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