The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
