my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
