Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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