Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
